Thursday, 31 January 2008

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  Last Words of the Living

  (*The following story was inspired by a dream, rather a nightmare, of mine.*)
  
  

  She was dead. 

  I could hardly believe the shock of what was happening.  The afternoon had begun much like any other, but now lightning bolts of darkness were pervading my world.  Angie’s face spun along with the news she had just told me.  The falling sun hopped up and down as if on an ocean liner.  I felt sick as though I had just swallowed a bag of salt.  Dead?

  Impossible.  My best friend was not dead.

  I remembered the last words we had spoken.  These words were exchanged over a month ago. 

  “I just can’t believe it,” her mouth remained frozen open after these words.  Her blue eyes were glassy with disbelief. 

  “I know,” I tried, feebly, to find a proper apology, “I’m sorry.  I-I should have told you about this sooner.  I should have never let this happen,” I wanted to go on but she had begun sobbing.  I didn’t know what to say that would make things right. 

  “There’s nothing you can say,” her eyes were still glassy, but the expression on her mouth had become a bitter scowl.  “I don’t want to talk to you for a long time.  Actually, I don’t know if I ever want to talk to you again.”

  “But-“

  “Maybe one day I’ll forgive you, but I-I just can’t right now.” 

  With that she looked me directly in the eye, and I knew she was serious.  I was no longer a part of her life.  I felt like going back in time and deleting several months of my life.  I knew that was impossible.  I wanted to run away to a place where no one knew me and no one knew what I’d done.  To a place where the past would no longer ruin my life. 

  “I understand,” I whispered.  I knew my hazel eyes were peculiarly dark in the dimming light.  They were filled to the max with tears, but I refused to shed any.  I really did understand.  If I were her, I would have probably made the same decision, but I couldn’t help but feel completely alone and mistaken.  I wondered if I was really a bad person, and if I wasn’t I wondered how long it would be before people would believe in me again.  I would give everything to take back the past, but that wasn’t possible.  Now, I was just trying to move on and forget what had happened.  I knew in that moment that moving on was going to be impossible.

  I hadn’t seen or heard from her since that evening. 

  Now, I would never see or hear her again.

  My senses snapped back to the present, and I watched Angie swim in and out of focus again.  “Angie,” My entire body was shaking now, and my voice was barely comprehendable.  “Angie, I just wish I could tell her I was really sorry.  I really am sorry.  I always thought there would be another day to fix our friendship.  I really am sorry.  I’m sorry, Becky.”

  With that apology my voice trailed off.  I began crying and neither wanted to or couldn’t make myself stop.  I cried for the first time since I was a little kid.  I cried because I realized I had lost any chance of the companionship I once had had with such a faithful friend.  I cried because if I hadn’t let her just walk away she may still be here today.  I cried because my world was destroyed with her last breath.

  
  

  
  

  
  (*Thanks for reading.  You can discover so much from your own dreams.*)
  
  Kate
  
  

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